At least ten women I've made passes at before have come forward to affirm my behavior has always been polite and respectful of consent, rendering claims to the contrary suspect. There are twice as many women vouching for me than alleged to have complained. Some of these women are of the same age and social status as Amy Frank and Lauren Lane (the only women who publicly said anything negative about me), countering any notion that I behave differently with women of different age or status, as some have implied.
These testimonials were verified and published by a third party, who communicated with the women in question directly, confirming who they were (so they aren't anonymous to them, only to the public). I asked women to speak out on my behalf. And it's brave of them to do so; I think a lot of folks would not go out of their way to do this for an accused man. Indeed several women who supported me (and do still) didn't add their testimonials to these precisely for fear of being harassed for it. So what's here matters a great deal. And I did not write or edit any of these entries. I didn't even know what would be in them until they were published.
Some paragraph breaks have been added for readability. And they are here sorted from shortest to longest:
1. Shared by an anonymous supporter of Dr. Richard Carrier: I met Richard Carrier at a university event in 2016. We were hanging out with a group of people and I began to flirt with him. He expressed interest in me in a way that was respectful and in no way made me feel like he was crossing inappropriate boundaries. Since that night, we have remained good friends. He is one of the most open and honest people I have ever met, and I have never felt anything less than comfortable in my interactions with him.
2. Shared by Deborah Nash: I met Richard Carrier after an event a few months ago. We went out the next night and I was struck by how respectful and cognizant of my own comfort levels he was. We've continued to talk since then, despite his moving even further away from where I'm living, and I've always seen that same level of care and kindness from him. I share this because my own personal experience with him does not match up with the accusations that have been leveled against him, and although I can't really say anything as to their truth or falsehood, I find this post and the overall way that Richard has been handling the situation to be very admirable.
3. Shared by Sarah Alexander: In regards to the recent events surrounding Richard Carrier: I met him last year, introduced through a mutual friend of ours. He was polite, and kind, and not at all rude/overbearing. We started dating, and continued up until his relocation across the country. He was always quite supportive, understanding, and just a great person to have in my life. When things turned sexual he made a point of saying that nothing would happen that I did not consent to. Having been a victim of sexual assault in the past (which he did not know until later), consent is HUGE to me. He always conducted himself as a considerate gentleman, and I adore that about him. My interactions with him were completely positive. (Dang Ohio, stealing him from California [ winking-tongue-out emoji ])
4. Shared by an anonymous supporter of Dr. Richard Carrier: I wanted to contribute my opinion of Richard’s interactions with women. I met Richard at a social gathering in Milwaukee earlier this year. He was very sociable and chatty, but he was never intimidating, overbearing, or forceful in starting or continuing conversation. He asked me many questions about my life and didn’t make me feel at all as though there was a power differential between us. In fact, he seemed pretty impressed with my career and life story! As we chatted more throughout the evening, it became apparent that there was attraction between us. He was extremely respectful of me in expressing his attraction to me and didn’t sound forceful at all when telling me. In fact, I was rather surprised at how cautious he was.
He asked me for permission to hold me and to kiss me, which is something I have never experienced from a guy; most guys just start being physical with a girl without any verbal communication. It was refreshing to be respected that much. In the bedroom, Richard was very respectful and asked permission for things to move further physically, even if I was sending clear physical signals. The remainder of our time spent together that weekend was enjoyable. Since then, Richard’s been very pleasant to continue to maintain a friendship with; he has been completely honest about his desire to see me again but not in a forceful way at all. I’ve told him lately that I’m pursuing a monogamous relationship with someone and he’s been happy for me without being offensive or forceful. Richard is one of the most trustworthy and honest men I have ever known and I’m very happy he is my friend.
5. Shared by an anonymous supporter of Dr. Richard Carrier: The funny thing about my relationship with Richard Carrier is all my friends were obsessed with him in highschool. I remember watching videos of him speaking and thinking "Who is this nerd and who cares what he has to say?" 3 years later I met him and I couldn't be more wrong. We started talking on OK Cupid in February of 2015. I saw his profile and thought it was fake. You get a lot of fake profiles on OKC so I decided to message him to seek the truth. We winded up using google hangouts to webcam each other and we just talked for a couple hours. At this time Dr.Carrier was living in the same city as me. We decided to meet because we were both non-monogamous and needed to meet other godless dorks.
So the first time we met, he picked me up from my place and we went bowling. I am a terrible bowler. Richard expressed he was as well, but he still kicked my butt. He asked if I wanted pointers and I was hoping for the whole lame grabbing of the waist and holding my arm helping me toss the ball correctly, but he just verbally told me. After our game he asked if he could hold my hand. I feel bad about it now but, I laughed in his face. He started apologizing and I had to stop him, grab his hand and tell him I just thought it was funny and he was allowed to hold my hand. He brought me home. A few weeks later and we went to get coffee. The most out of our interaction was hand holding and he checked to make sure I was comfortable and assured me that at anytime if I became uncomfortable that I could tell him at and he would cease any touching. I have never been so at ease with another human being.
The third time we spent time with eachother I wanted to see his place. He brought me over and again he made it very clear multiple times that if I was uncomfortable he would respect that and at he would take me home. I never felt so respected in my whole life. After I assured him that intimate physical contact was welcomed I came out to him about my past self harm. I like to disclose my scars because I know they are visable if my sleeves roll up. I am always scared doing this because I get speeches about self harm or pity. But all he did was kiss them, made them feel just as beautiful as the rest of my body, and didn't say a word.
I am not going to sit here and say he isn't capable of violating someones boundaries, but I do believe it is completely out of character. It is hard for me to imagine him doing anything to make another person uncomfortable. Every interaction i had with him over the year until he moved was respectful, consensual, and frankly the best times I have ever had.
6. Shared by an anonymous supporter of Dr. Richard Carrier: I met Richard Carrier in Austin, Texas during the 2014 Bat Cruise. He was a speaker at the event, and I was excited to meet him (along with many others in the atheist community who were attending that event). I did meet him, and we had a couple of lovely conversations on the cruise ship that evening. I remember that it was truly a pleasure getting to know him and discussing relevant issues.
Though neither of us outwardly said it at the time, there was a spark of sexual attraction between the two of us. I was interested in Rick and felt like he was interested in me as well. Due to the fact that I'd brought my ten-year-old child on the cruise with me, however, any sort of sexual interaction was certainly not on my agenda that trip. Rick was more than respectful of that. He invited me out to drinks after the cruise had ended, to which I declined (again, because I had my child with me), and Rick showed only respectful, polite understanding and acknowledgment. In fact, throughout the rest of that weekend, we met up again within a larger atheist group for breakfast, dinner, and ice cream, and he never approached me again regarding a possible hookup. He didn't push that boundary; meanwhile, though, he did continue engaging me in delightful conversation that left me confident he was interested in getting to know me as a person.
I had presented a boundary during that particular trip, and Rick respected it. He never questioned me about it, pushed me about it, or made me feel at all uncomfortable about it.
He did leave me with contact information, and messaged me later about meeting up again. I was more than interested, and we did meet up after that, this time with a more implicit understanding of each other's interest. We got to know each other better, and we eventually entered into a polyamorous relationship. (Both of us were poly at the time.)
During all of my time spent with Rick, he always showed respect for me and my boundaries. I can't recall a time in which I felt threatened or uncomfortable in his presence. Down the line, when I decided to enter a monogamous relationship with someone else, Rick expressed sadness at losing our relationship, but also a great amount of respect for my decision. He let me know at that time that my happiness was important to him, and that he wished me well. We'd enjoyed the start of a great relationship together, and he respected my boundaries all the way through to the end. We remain friends.
I don't know the details of what other women have experienced, and I won't pretend to. In my own, personal experience, though, I can say that I don't think it's characteristic of Rick to push boundaries or press for a sexual interaction after being declined. I have always considered him to be a feminist ally and advocate, and am proud to vouch for his character.
7. Shared by an anonymous supporter of Dr. Richard Carrier: I’m also rather confused by all of this. I don’t know Amy at all, and I obviously wasn’t there to witness your interactions. I do know you though, Richard, and sexual harassment seems vastly out of character for you based on my own experience. I will grant that I have a bias, seeing as we do have a bit of a relationship, but that relationship wouldn’t exist if you were the kind of person that Amy seems to be claiming you are.
For anyone reading, I met Richard at a talk he gave at my alma mater. I graduated last year, so I don’t technically fit the category of “college student,” but I definitely fit the age demographic of many of the students that some think it is inappropriate for Richard to flirt with. After his talk, I and several of the other attendees went to a very casual dinner. There was no alcohol involved, just a lot of conversation on a variety of topics, none of which involved sex or anything of a remotely sexual nature if my memory serves me correctly. During the conversation, Richard asked me if I dated, to which I said yes. He then expressed an interest in going out sometime in the next few days. I reciprocated that interest and we went out the following night.
Never once during that initial conversation, nor during the ensuing date, did Richard cross any boundaries or do anything that made me uncomfortable. He was extremely respectful and cautious regarding my comfort levels and always asked permission before making any moves or anything of that sort. In fact, after our date, he asked if he could come up to my apartment, which I didn’t want him to as I had work early the next morning (also because my room was a mess and I was rather embarrassed). It was clear that he would have liked to go further that night, but he accepted my answer and did not push any boundaries or pursue the topic further. We’ve since had many conversations, although no more physical interactions due to the geographic distance between us.
I do feel that it’s important to point out, though, that in conversations with another person who was also at dinner with us after Richard’s talk, they expressed a feeling that he was being very openly flirtatious and coming on to me pretty strongly. I, personally, didn’t feel that way or view it as a negative interaction (the flirting was never aggressive, and I never showed any signs of wanting him to tone it down). The person of whom I’m speaking is a former boyfriend of mine though and has admitted to being biased and rather sensitive towards people flirting with me.
I’m not saying that it’s impossible for Richard to have been so respectful of me and also to have assaulted Amy a year previously. I’m simply saying that, from my perspective, it seems very unlikely. I’m only here to try to defend his character by sharing my own experience. Maybe I’m being naive, but if these accusations against him do turn out to be true, I’ll be extremely surprised and saddened.
As it stands now, however, I’m inclined to believe you, Richard. If you had wanted to take advantage of me at some point, the opportunity was certainly there, but you chose to be a decent person and respect me. My hopes are that this situation will be resolved positively somehow, although I have no idea what that would even look like right now.
8. Shared by author Jaime Juniper: Ok, I'm going to take a departure from my usual thing here and talk frankly about my real life. "Real life" being still hiding behind this pseudonym, yes, because under my given name I have certain relationships that would be made difficult by being as overtly sexual as I'm able to be here. Which is problematic and an interesting topic in itself related to consent that I'd like to get to someday. But there's a more pressing matter at hand now.
I've been dating Richard Carrier for just a few months now - since April technically, but in earnest since he moved here in June. I just deleted a long list of words before his name - author, speaker, historian, philosopher - because I can't do it all justice, but you should really look up his work yourself anyway if you're not already familiar with it. And really this is the whole point of my post: what I know of him as a person first, aside from all that. Because recently he's been accused of overstepping boundaries and sexual harassment of women at various events. I know nothing about these events that happened long before I ever met him, and I'm not active in the secular community of which he's a part, so I can't comment as a participant or with any authority there. But what admittedly limited knowledge I do have is firsthand experience with someone who is sweet, thoughtful and careful of my boundaries. So for what it's worth, I offer a few details about my experience so far, and in particular our first meeting, since encounters like this seem to be the focus of the allegations against him.
I actually first initiated contact with Richard through an online dating website - I hadn't been familiar with his work before, but found his profile intriguing and then looked up his blog and watched a few videos of his talks and debates. When I decided to contact him, I made it clear from my very first message that I was interested in him, and continued to do so in subsequent messages back and forth with him. And while he responded favorably, and our conversation quickly turned flirtatious and sexual - again, largely initiated by me - I think it's important to note that he did so cautiously. In fact, he was so careful that I worried at the time that I was the one being too pushy, which is completely the opposite of my normal experience with most men on dating sites. And contrary to what you might assume from my posts here, even being as assertive as I was in our initial contact was unusual for me - which in retrospect says a lot about the kind of comfortable environment he opened up right from the beginning. When we finally met in person (which took a while due to his travels) he was again very friendly and warm but absolutely respectful, and we had a long conversation before finally getting around to expressing thoughts about taking it further. At this point, he was very clear in stating his interest and asking me directly about mine before even so much as holding my hand. I had already given him numerous positive signals, what I'd even consider blatantly so, and he still verbally checked in to be certain. And that checking in continued throughout the evening: later on in private, I was literally sitting on his lap and unbuttoning his shirt and he asked me directly yet again how far I was interested in engaging.
I could get a lot more graphic about my very consensual experiences with him since - and frankly, he's been the subject of a few of my little poems and musings here (I'll let you guess which ones.) I could also add that I've since fallen for his infectious laugh, the tenderness of his eyes and shyly fascinated smile while making love. The tiny sweetness of his sleepy "gesundheit" when I sneezed in the middle of the night, or when he held my hand to his heart while watching a movie. The lively conversations we've had about relationships, politics, books and sexuality. But actually all of that was in my initial encounter with him: respect, humor, clear communication, thoughtfulness, and an overall gentleness in his demeanor that from my perspective is the exact opposite of predatory. And has not wavered one bit.
Like Richard, I'm obviously a strong advocate of sex-positivity. And as both a staunch feminist and writer, consent is something I think and write about every day. I don't take these issues lightly, am definitely on high alert for the slightest microaggression, and generally believe women's stories about these things as a rule. But in Richard's case, my own experience speaks to a different narrative. So I believe and respect him here as he wrestles with these questions, owns his mistakes, and most importantly matches his future actions to his words. And I look forward to continuing my relationship with him without hesitation.
9. Shared by an anonymous supporter of Dr. Richard Carrier: I realize that people can have different experiences with the same person, so all I can do is speak to the experiences that I have personally had with Richard. I met him at a secular gathering. I was interested in mythicism so we had plenty to talk about, but what I remember most about it was how kind and polite he was with everyone. We emailed one another for a brief time afterwards.
Months later at the request of people in my local secular group, I invited him to be a speaker. We exchanged professional emails, and set it up. I played the role as host to him in my town. I met him upon arrival, and I spent several hours with him before his talk, making sure everything was in order, and that he had all he needed to proceed. He was a gracious guest, and just as kind, and polite as I first remembered.
After his talk many of us went out for dinner together, where he kindly let people continue to ask him questions about whatever they wanted. During the course of dinner I mentioned that I was poly. He overheard and said that he was in an open relationship. We smiled at each other for a moment in camaraderie of something shared.
After dinner he insisted that we walk a friend of his, to her car because it was dark, she was from out of town, she wasn’t parked nearby, and he wanted to make sure she left safely. A few of us walked several blocks with them to the car. They hugged, said good night, and the rest of us decided to go out for drinks.
We laughed and talked over several hours at a local pub. I felt we had an intellectual connection. There were only a few of us left, but soon most of my attention was directed at Richard and he to mine. He moved in a teeny bit closer to me, and so I in turn moved closer to him. We continued this boundary dance for a couple of hours until we were finally so close to each other we were touching.
He was still cautious when he would reach out to touch my hand, but each time I would respond by returning the touch and saying yes if he asked if it was ok. By the time we left we had an arm around the other. I walked my new friend back to the place he was staying. I asked him if I could come in for a minute which he agreed to. I sat down briefly and drank some water. He offered his bed for me to sleep in. I could crash there for the night if I wanted. He wanted to know that I too would be safe for the night. He made it clear that I could just sleep there as a friend, no expectations. I believe his offer of friendship was genuine because he continually asked for permission whether it was verbal or nonverbal, however when I agreed to stay I let him know that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me.
I knew this would probably just be a one night stand because he lived far away, but after spending most of the day with him, I now thought of him as a friend, and now I wanted to enjoy a different side of him. I felt completely safe because I felt I could say no at any time. He had already given me several outs during the night, before we ever reached his room, and then again once we got there(he did this by offering alternative options, and asking me if I was ok). I was at ease and felt comfortable with him because he made me feel respected. I still feel that he respects me.
The following day we had breakfast together and then he drove me home. Later that day I received an email from him letting me know that he had enjoyed our time together, and wanting to make sure we were on the same page from the night before.
I still feel comfortable inviting him into my home and I have in fact done so. He has come to spend time with me and my friends. Neither of us assuming we would be intimate again without once again getting consent from one another, because boundaries are important to us both.
I realize that I can be a little bit more forward than some women, so knowing when I’m interested might be easier for men. Richard’s interest in me has never been unwanted so I can’t speak to his behavior in that situation. One of the many reasons I’ve continued my friendship with him is because of how respectful he was towards me, and to my friends.
10. Shared by by Atheist Experience host Tracie Harris: OK, so as much as I try to keep internal atheist drama off my wall, every now and then it’s going to impact someone I know, and when it does, I have to make decisions about whether or not to become involved and on what level. In the past, there have been times I’ve offered support to friends and acquaintances within the movement who needed it—whether asked or not. It’s rare for me, but not unheard of.
Recently I was made aware of allegations against Richard Carrier, who reached out to me, in a very concerned way, to ask if I’d ever had an experience that has made me feel uncomfortable around him, or witnessed him doing anything that might have made anyone else uncomfortable. I hadn’t. In fact, in 2014, I posted a lot of content about how comfortable he is to be around. I want to be clear here: Although he did ask if I’d be comfortable sharing out my past experience with him, I offered to re-share those wall comments and even my comments to friends in private chat about my interactions with him, before he ever raised the question. My logic was not that this would magically dismiss the allegations against him. It was that I had already shared these stories, the content was readily available and archived, and it was nothing for me to simply pull them up and post them again if doing so has any use to someone who feels helped or supported by it. And if sharing this turns out to have been useless, then it’s very fortunate for me it was no hardship.
I’m not weighing in on the allegations—that’s for people who work directly with Carrier and those who will be assessing the upcoming legal proceedings.
This means: I don’t expect this issue to be debated on this thread. This post is not intended as a forum for speculation. If you just can’t help yourself, start your own OP, on your own wall, and go as nuts as you like.
The summary (for the “TL:DR” crowd) is that Carrier expressed sexual interest in me at a conference not long after I first met him. I turned him down, and we went on from there like a couple of adults. Later, when he was booked to talk at the Bat Cruise lecture here in Austin, I hosted him in my home with my then-husband and our other guest, Chris Johnson. I had no reservations or discomfort at all about being around him, because, again, “adults.”
I do want to add one tangent that irked me: In reading up on the issue, I saw a few folks calling out Carrier as an ageist. Let me just note here: (1) I’m older than Richard Carrier, and (2) not all women are freaked out about dating older men—some (like me) actually prefer it.
And with that—here are the comments I made at the time, that I’m simply re-sharing here, with the only difference being that I’m now identifying the man I was discussing then as Richard Carrier:
June 3, 2014 – Comment on Facebook thread on my wall: “Yes…boundaries…boundaries…boundaries. When I was in NC at ReasonCon, I actually met someone with whom I got along great and was having a lot of fun. Everyone knows I smile frequently—and when I like people, I’m very friendly. We hung out for about a day and a half, and they finally asked me if my marriage was exclusive or if there was any chance it was open. I said it was exclusive, and they were cool with that, and dropped the line of questioning. We continued to have a great time and interact for the rest of the weekend. And I saw nothing offensive about it. They were interested, they spent time with me, they saw signs I was interested (my friendly behavior can cross over to what is commonly viewed as “flirty”—so I own up to that)…and they simply asked if they were reading it right—if I was available/interested? When I clarified that wasn’t going on, they were 100% cool with that response and respected it, and were still just as friendly, but never broached that again. THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT.”
June 3, 2014 – Comment on Facebook thread on my wall: “What I appreciated with the NC pal was that they ASKED for clarification. And they didn’t get all bent when I explained that it wasn’t intended as sexual interest—they were cool about it. Miscommunications happen. And they were very mature with it all.”
June 3, 2014 – Comment on Facebook thread on my wall: “After our exchange, I thought to myself, “Oh, if he’s looking for a hookup, he’ll probably go hang with some other people.” And I would not have been at all offended by that. I mean, if he likes hooking up at meetings, and he thought he and I were “having a moment” and found out we weren’t, it would not be rude to find a politic means to excuse himself and seek other company more his situation…? But he stayed my bud the rest of the weekend, and we even had a few jokes about it…I mean, it was an “all good fun” attitude, and really raised my “respect” bar for the guy.”
June 3, 2014 – Comment on Facebook thread on my wall: “I tend to actually not assume a guy is interested, and sometimes this makes me a little “thick” when someone is flirting. I don’t think “Oh, they like me.” I think “Oh, they’re so funny/friendly!” After the exchange in NC, I actually thought how I totally misread some things as simple friendliness that were probably more about attraction. I thought “good eye contact” and noticed he looked at me a lot, and I thought it was just warm and friendly. I mean, I was DENSE in that regard. But he still didn’t assume. Still stopped to check before moving to the next level—-which didn’t happen…because he CHECKED and didn’t just assume. Ironically, he had to make it pretty much fool proof—more for me than for him!”
June 4, 2014 – PM to a friend: “…I found the approach refreshingly respectful. I wish more men took that same tack, in fact. I realized once he checked availability that he had a very linear process that entailed observing and gauging the other person every step of the way to be sure to consider them. And I appreciate that.”