Through a confluence of events, none of my girlfriends can make it to MythCon in Milwaukee this year. So I’m looking for a date that weekend. You should be aware I’m straight, promiscuous, polyamorous, godless, drink, don’t smoke, and have that cloud hanging over me. And you can ask me anything else to vet me by. I’m an open book. Just contact me by email or FB messenger to inquire.
Even if you aren’t sure you’d want to commit to anything, and want to hang out with me a little at the conference or afterparty before deciding, please message me in advance to let me know you are at least interested. Because I’m currently not picking up dates at conferences. Only if you broach the possibility ahead of the day.
I can offer you access to the event, if you don’t already have tickets; and a share of a bed (platonically even), if you haven’t already booked your own room. I’ll also cover drinks. I’ll be at the Aloft hotel in downtown Milwaukee, also the location of the event afterparty, which is probably where we’d spend most of our time together. The conference consumes all of Saturday, September 22, and I’ll be tabling most of it, although you’d be welcome to sit & chat with me as I do. If you’ll be around the previous evening, you could also join me at the VIP party Friday.
Did this actually work as intended? I’m asking whether you were able to arrange a face-to-face meeting with someone who replied. I am not asking you to say how many or to comment on what may have happened afterward, since I can easily imagine you wanting to keep that private.
Tim Ferriss reports that a striaghtforward approach works, and that is what you tried here. I would prefer to be in a world where striaghtforward approaches work, but I don’t get to decide that.
Oh yes. I got several asks and at least two planned dates in response. As also happened the last time I published a blog request for a date several years ago.
The straightforward approach does work, but you have to deploy it considerately. And you have to have an audience, that likes you.
In this case, I directed it at no one. So women who were interested, could choose on their own, unpressured, whether to reply. That’s obviously the least problematic way to ever do this. But it does require a lot of people are reading the ad and that some of them are interested. Most people can’t count on one or the other. So if you were asking “would it work for anyone else,” probably not for many. But if it’s honest and polite, I can see no honest harm in trying. Other than that certain people who imagine themselves the sex police will get angry at you for daring to post an ad for a date.
More broadly, though, I would re-frame your question into its converse: should we use non-straightforward ways of finding dates? And honestly, I can’t think of the answer ever being yes. No one should be engaging in “game” that tries to manipulate people. Any query after interest should be polite and honest, appropriate to the circumstances, and respectful of the answer—and not employing subterfuge.
It should also not be “out of the blue.” Posting ads in the open is not an issue, because no particular person is being asked (much less anyone who asn’t already said they are open to it—hence dating apps and personals). But if you mean, someone you are going to ask, there’s more to consider. There needs to be some plausible reason someone you are interested in would be interested in you, before it would ever make sense to express your interest to them. The direct approach, when asking a particular person, is only going to work in those contexts. Otherwise it’s probably just annoying to the person you are asking. And people don’t usually date folks who annoy them.