What makes the whole flat-earth debate so eye-rollingly insufferable is that it’s just nothing but easily refutable made-up bullshit. I tire of even having to talk about it. It’s like arguing whether viruses exist or the moon is made of cheese—like, someone is actually feverishly arguing Luna is literally a quintillion-ton ball of dairy product. Why even give them a minute of your day?

The Kalam Cosmological Argument is one of those things. It is obvious bullshit. Yet people build massive, convoluted word walls and hours-long videos insisting it’s a serious argument about something. I’m just tired of this. So I am going to call it. The KCA is bullshit. It is abject crankery. It is every bit as crank as arguing the Earth is flat or the moon is cheese.

The Industrial KCA Conspiracy Theory

Paraphrasing the Stanford Encyclopedia, the Kalam Cosmological Argument goes like this:

  1. Everything that begins to exist has a cause other than itself.
  2. The universe began to exist.
  3. Therefore, the universe has a cause other than itself.
  4. All physical “laws and initial conditions” are part of “the universe.”
  5. The only possible causes are physical or personal.
  6. Therefore, the cause of the universe must be personal.

I’ll set aside the fact that this is just another example of how Syllogisms Usually Suck. They are almost always bullshit-vectors (and yes, #NotAllSyllogisms; hence my qualifier “almost”). Because human knowledge is ultimately inductive, not deductive, and all that deductive syllogisms do is extract meaning from a set of premises—what is true if those premises are true—they do not confirm those premises are true and thus cannot “prove” a resulting conclusion is “true” in any required sense. Apart from logical necessities, reliable reasoning about the world needs to be properly Bayesian. But that doesn’t get the results the theist wants. So they cheat. But never mind that. You can argue it elsewhere (follow any of my links).

I will also set aside the oft-hidden “Premise 5,” insisting that “unlike” nonpersonal causes, “personal” causes can exist without “anything” existing—in other words, that we can claim personal causes aren’t part of a “universe” or don’t require a universe to exist in. It is never plausibly explained why, if personal causes get this weird exception, nonpersonal causes can’t ever get an equivalent exception. And the whole idea of persons existing without things to realize them is inherently dubious and pervasively anti-empirical. So this idea that personal causes can exist independently of physical causes is an ill-defined and poorly argued premise. Likewise that persons can exist without worlds to exist in, or without “ever” existing “anywhere.” But that’s all just bad philosophy. Today I’m only interested in the crankery of the KCA. For other takes, see The Other Problem with Nothing.

But here, let’s just grant Premise 5. Hence I’ll grant Premise 4, too, because it is operating as kind of a definition of “universe” in Premise 2 (and thus in Conclusion 3). Indeed, Premise 4 actually destroys the entire argument. So I love that premise. It’s the big foot-shooting “oops” of the whole crankturd that is the KCA. This is why I will also not nitpick the misuse of the word “uni”-verse in Premise 2 even though that is an equivocation fallacy. Reality, including time, could predate our “uni”-verse, so the KCA is only valid if by “universe” you mean “all of reality,” inclusive of every physical thing, like “time” or “laws of physics,” and not just our one local Big Bang cosmos. Hence Premise 2 must include multiverse cosmological models, exactly as Premise 4 entails.

So that leaves Premise 1 and Premise 2.

“I’m Not Saying Its Aliens, But …”

Premise 1, “Everything that begins to exist has a cause other than itself,” is literally logically impossible. Let me repeat that so the back of the room and the slow of head can catch up:

“Everything that begins to exist has a cause other than itself” is literally logically impossible.

Why?

Because “Everything” includes all laws of physics. Causality is a law of physics. Therefore it is logically impossible for any law of causality to apply before that law of causality even exists.

The first premise is therefore logically necessarily false. Not just probably false. It is necessarily false. It can never be the case that “everything” that begins to exist has a cause, no more than you can ever be north of the North Pole. Therefore there must necessarily always be things that can begin uncaused—particularly the very need of a cause in the first place. So if that began, it can’t have required a cause to.

Nor can “physical reality” be an exception-case to “everything” here, because, oops! Premise 4 establishes that that is inclusive of all physical laws of causality. Those are part of the contents of what is beginning in “the universe began to exist” and therefore cannot exist before that so as to cause it. Causal laws cannot exist before causal laws exist.

And this holds even apart from Premise 4: you still can’t get some “metaphysical” law of causality to exist before anything exists. Because “anything” includes all laws of causality, even magical metaphysical ones—everything, in fact, that does not logically necessarily exist and thereby requires no cause to exist. And causal laws are not logically necessary. This holds even for “atemporal” causal laws, “ontological” causal laws, or any other cane-and-top-hat dance you want to pull here. Causal laws are simply a thing that cannot exist before they exist so as to cause themselves to exist.

So Premise 1 is cooked. It can never be true. It is always false. It is logically necessarily false.

And that means the KCA is as dead as a Loth Cat on Alderaan (too soon?).

Trying to rescue it at this point is just as delusional as scrambling to defend the moon being cheese. You really aren’t playing with all honesty or marbles at that point. You are just another flat-earther. And I’m tired of taking you seriously.

“… It’s Aliens”

Premise 2, that all physical reality “began to exist,” is likewise bollocks. We literally do not know whether it is true. And that’s the end of the conversation.

Literally. That’s it. We’re done here. Move on.

If you want to keep arguing that point, again I cannot take you seriously. You are then to me like someone insisting Haitians eat pets. You have no damned evidence that Haitians are eating pets—so just stop. The argument from the Big Bang is a non sequitur (rejected by all cosmological scientists the world over), while the argument from the impossibility of an infinity is literally crank. To keep refusing to accept that fact time after time after time after time is insane. And I cannot have a rational conversation with a crazy person. I’m done with that. That’s just more mooncheese.

But the problem here is worse. Because on any relevant definition of “began,” God began to exist. That’s right. “Begin to exist” means to exist a finite time into the past and not beyond—as opposed to continuing to exist an infinite amount of time into the past such that there is no “first” time a thing exists. If there is a first time when you exist, you began to exist. And that’s that. But since there is no time before time (just as there is no north of the North Pole), God cannot exist “an infinite amount of time into the past.” There is only a finite amount of time into the past during which God can exist.

Therefore there was a first time when God existed, just as there was a first time when time existed, and everything else. Therefore everything that exists began to exist. God gets swept right up in that terrible fact. The only way to get God out of this trap is to posit that God did not create time, that time is past infinite. But you just ruled that out with Premise 4. Time is a physical thing. It therefore is included in what “began” to exist in Premise 2. But that means God also began to exist. He did not exist before the first moment of time. Nothing did, in fact; nor even could have—it’s a logical impossibility. Which means not even logically necessary things can exist before time, because existing before time is logically impossible. This has other consequences for theism but you can wrangle with that elsewhere. Here the point is: either there was infinite uncaused time (and thus “something” always existed and Premise 2 is false) or everything began—because everything starts to exist at the first moment of time. And therefore nothing is exempted from Premise 1, not even personal causes; not even gods.

So God then falls on the spear of Premise 1 and therefore needs some cause external to himself. And if we need that, why can’t we just cut out the middleman and use that to explain everything else? God is an explanatory third wheel. We can chuck it. And no, we don’t need an infinite regress of causes here. Because the ultimate cause can be a logically necessary thing, which thereby requires no cause (as it is already “caused” by its being logically necessary), and sorry, but no personal cause has ever been shown to be even plausibly logically necessary (the cosmological argument thus suffers from the very same Hidden Fallacy in the Fine Tuning Argument). But there are far simpler physical realities that could be. So the theist should be glad Premise 1 is false. It gets their god out of this pickle. But that means ditching the KCA and trying something else (good luck with that).

Whereas if time is past eternal and thus uncreated, then Premise 2 is false. Because time would then simply be a universe, and could be the thing causing whatever changes or happens as time plods along, eternally transforming from one state to the other until “our” local form of it arose fourteen billion years ago. If there was always time, there could always have been some universe or another, in an endless recurring stream. Remember Premise 4? If any physical thing is past eternal, then the “universe” in Premise 2 as defined in Premise 4 has always existed and therefore never “began.” And there is no way to get any prior time to “lack” its own universe or state of existence (there is no logical necessity of that, and there is no empirical evidence for it). So you can’t opt for a past eternity of time. Because that abandons Premise 2.

Now the KCA is as dead as a bantha in the Jedha City zoo.

So the two keystone premises of the KCA are bullshit. Premise 1 can never be true. And Premise 2 is not known to be true. Therefore, the conclusion can never be obtained from these premises. It’s all just song and dance. Because everything else is just playing games with words and handwaves. More bullshit.

So can we just cut this crank shit loose now?

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